Kama Soul

The body is full of hidden erotic zones that can match the pleasure capabilities of the breasts and genitals. Discovering them is one of the true joys of sex. Couples who fully explore and understand these areas are on their  way to becoming expert lover.
perineum 
This small, nerve-rich area is located between the anus and the genitals in both men and women. Explore with your finger, your tongue, or a sex toy. The prostate in men and the perineal sponge in women (found underneath the perineum) are also highly sensitive. When these little areas are stimulated, the results can be quite pleasurable—even orgasmic.
A-spot
Also known as the AFE spot, this female hot spot is a relatively new discovery. It is located between the G-spot and the cervix, at the very end of the vaginal canal on the anterior wall. This is also known as the perineal sponge, which can be stimulated during anal sex. When aroused, this area can lead to intense orgasms, along with plenty of vaginal lubrication (in fact, the area was discovered by sex researcher Dr. Chua Chee Ann, who was looking for a way to treat women with painful vaginal dryness). 
P-spot 
The P-spot is a male hot spot named for the prostate gland. It is a small bump located just inside the anus, which can lead to deep orgasms when stimulated. Be prepared for fireworks when playing with this erogenous zone—it’s known as the male G-spot for a reason
U-spot 
Another female hot spot, the U-spot’s name comes from its location just above and around the urethral opening. Some women also release ejaculate from the urethral tube during orgasm. This is completely normal, and can be a thrilling sexual experience for both partners. Women also find stimulation  to the area around the U-spot, called the peri-urethral region, very arousing due to the many nerve endings located there.

A.Intimacy:
1. Discussing sexual issues over the kitchen table or on walks
2. Saying “I love you” on a daily basis
3. Lying in bed and sharing emotions once or twice a week; just sharing, no fi xing
4. Making one or two emotional or sexual requests of your partner
5. Talking about the value of both intimacy and eroticism in your relationship 
B. Nondemand pleasuring:
1. Setting aside time for a sensual, non-genital pleasuring date
2. Trying a new sensual lotion to enhance pleasurable sensations
3. Spending time on the sofa “making out” and valuing that for itself.
4. For a couple who always do mutual, simultaneous touching, try taking turns
5. The woman setting the pace and sequence of the  pleasuring scenario
  C. Eroticism:
1. Starting a scenario in front of the fi replace and instead of going to the bedroom, playing out the scenario there
2. Trying one-way sex to orgasm with the giving partner enjoying without expecting anything back (perhaps at a diff erent time switching roles) 3. Experimenting with switching intercourse positions two or three times during an encounter 4. Each partner experimenting with introducing an external stimulus (R- or X-rated video, music, candles, reading a section of an erotic story or erotic scene from a novel) that your partner is receptive to 5. Expanding your sexual repertoire to enhance erotic fl ow so that you do not transition to intercourse until your partner has an orgasm and your arousal is at least an 8 
D. Satisfaction:
1. Experimenting with three or four aft erplay scenarios and fi nd at least one that is special for you
2. Before a sexual encounter, talking to your partner about what you would like to try to enhance the experience
3. Listening to your partner’s feelings and requests; her pleasure will enhance your satisfaction
4. Planning a special date that integrates intimacy and eroticism
5. Planning a date aft er a sexual encounter that shows appreciation for your pleasure at being a sexual couple and reinforces your relationship bond

Moan
Listen to how it sounds. Does it sound the way you want it to sound? Practice. Moan a bit throatier. Moan a bit longer. Moan a bit lower. Does your own moan turn you on?

Sigh

There are literally thousands of possible tones to a sigh. How is your sigh? Is it deep and relaxed? Does it say, “I feel great”? Does it say, “Do it more”? Does it say, “Yes, yes, yes”?

Growl

Yes, growl. Let the animal in you escape and propel you to wilder and more carnal experiences. Send out a message with your growl. What does it say? Practice until you have several various growls stating pleasure, need, completion, primitive and uncivilized passion.

Purr

Imagine the first touch, the first lick, the first moment when you begin the voyage to passion and pleasure. How good it is. What fabulous expectations. What exquisite moments to come. Purr to express the feelings within your body. Say it with a purr. “Ohhhh yes, what a time we’re having.”

Squeal

There are moments when nothing expresses the feeling like a squeal. The touch so incendiary, the flame so hot, the feeling needs a totally infantile and uninhibited sound—a squeal. When did your body feel the need to release with a squeal? Try it now, it’s regressive, infantile, and indescribably delicious

Scream

There are orgasms, promises, moments of such intensity that only a scream can express the feeling. Try to scream without the high pitch or unpleasantness often associated with screams. Screams have a bad reputation because too often there is a discordant quality to screams. She may be in the throes of ecstasy and release a scream that, unfortunately, pierces his eardrum or is so unpleasant a pitch as to turn him off. I know it is difficult to control your sounds when passion is the impetus and the mind has nothing to do with your behavior. Practicing a scream can help to tone it down and make it a turn-on all of the time. Scream from your belly, not your throat. Scream with joy and appreciation. Scream whenever you feel it, and remember that you’re lucky to feel it, so don’t hold back—let it go.

Shout

It is more common for men to shout than women. The shout is a deep-throated scream, but is usually vocalized for the same motivations as the scream. There are Whoopees and Wohohos. There are Whoopdedoos, Howdydoodees, as well as Me Tarzans. Shouts are music to our ears because they tell us how magnificent and fabulous the moment is. So shout to let your partner know exactly how wonderful you feel

Deep Breathing

The sounds of breath entering the lungs and leaving the lungs are very stimulating. The air entering and exiting, again and again, is relaxing. The slow, deep, breathy sound is not only a turn-on to your partner, it is a turn-on to you as well. Deep breathing is so relaxing that the entire body responds with an intensified sensitivity. When you breathe deeply, you can concentrate on the touch, the feel, and the smell of sex. Deep breathing and the breathy sounds of it enhance and provoke deeper feelings and more intensified passion. Breathe deeply into your genitals. Watch the breath stimulate your erogenous areas. Use your breath for enhancing the pleasure for both of you.

Hum

Put your lips against an ear, a nipple, a labia, or a penis and hum. The vibrations from your mouth will stir the juices and the sounds of the hum will stir the brain (our most powerful sex organ). Hum into a belly button or an anus. Hum under the arm, or inside the elbow or knee. Hum loud and long, and watch the blood stir and the flames ignite.

Laughter

Yes, I know laughter is very tricky. If it’s at the wrong time, in the wrong tone, or for the wrong reason, it can be disas trous. But laughter to express delight, to express fun, to express how joyful you are feeling is not only a compliment, it is an affirmation of the happiness you experience with each other.Laugh.It feels good and it conveys a very positive message.

Silence

The sounds of silence are often as powerful as the sounds of sex. There are moments so intense, so stirring, when the body is so sensitized and highly charged, you can only be silent. You are merged with each other in a connection so deep, there is no consciousness, no thought, no sound. There is only the physical—the flow of blood, the beating of hearts, the tingling of skin. There is only the sexual expression of your bodies, entwined and seamlessly connected. There is silence. And then there is release with the sounds of sex, a harmony of sounds.

The Words She Loves to Hear.

I love you.
• I love touching you.
• You are so beautiful.
• I love your body.
• I need you.
• I love kissing you.
• I can’t wait.
• I’ve been dreaming of this all day.
• Do it to me.
• Give me more.
• You are so hot.
• I can’t stop touching you.
• I never get enough of you

She loves “dirty” talk too:

Your cunt is sooo hot.
• I love how juicy you are.
• Your cunt is delicious.
• I love eating you.
• I want to suck your tits.
• Your tits are gorgeous.
• Your tits are delicious.
• I love fucking you.
• Give me more juice.
• I want to make you cum again and again.
• I love how you suck.
• I love what you’re doing.
• I love your ass

Words He Loves to Hear

You drive me crazy.
• I’m cummming, I’m cummming.
• Fuck me.
• Suck me.
• I love your body.
• What a great ass
It’s sooo goood.
• Give it to me.
• Now, baby, now.
• Take me.
• I’m all yours.
• You do me so good.
• I want you so much.
• You fill me up.
• You are so hard.
• You are so delicious.
• Kiss me.
• Lick my tits.
• Here they are, all yours.
• Here I am, all yours.
• Do it baby, do it.
• Give me the slide.
• Give me the up-top.
• Give me the ride.
• Give me the hophop.
• Give me the roll-a-round.
• Give me the big lick.
• Give me the big boy

Rule # l. Be Lovingly Honest.
See the truth and speak about it with love and respect. Do not ignore your needs—you will only build resentment and anger, and destroy the relationship.
Rule # 2. Take Responsibility for the Success of the Conversation.
Be responsible by discussing all situations. Be sure to have an agreement to speak.
• Is there enough time to complete the conversation? Is there privacy and no possibility of interference?
• Are you in a comfortable place?
• Is the subject one that will benefit both of you?
• Ask yourself these three questions: Is this for me? Is this for you? Is this for us? Be clear about your goals by taking responsibility for your purpose.
Rule # 3. Check It Out.
The following may seem humorous, even ridiculous, but when discussions are emotionally charged there is often miscommunication and confusion. It is best to check it out as follows:
• I think I know what I said.
• I think you know what I said.
• Could you please repeat what I said to be sure that you heard what I think I said Believe me, you’ll avoid a great deal of trouble if you are sure to say what you mean and ensure that you are heard in the way that you meant to be heard.
Rule # 4. Do Not Become Defensive.
It is an absolute truth that once you begin to defend your position, there is no possibility of achieving your goal. Defensiveness closes our ears and our hearts, creating fear and discomfort. Rather than listening, we become engrossed in proving that we are notwrong, and that we areright.
Rule # 5. Do Not Attack.
Once you attack, there is no possibility of success because your partner becomes defensive. The darts and arrows you aim will miss their mark, falling on deaf ears. Unfortunately, most often we don’t notice that our arrows are useless, and we continue to shoot blanks. My father’s example resonates in my brain whenever I feel like shooting one of my arrows. He said, “Remember that you have a finite number of arrows in your quick. You don’t know how many, so be careful. One day when you really need one, you may reach back and find your quick is empty.” It is the same concept as, “Is this the hill you want to die on?” Save your attacks; they are not only ineffective most of the time, they are destructive. See rule # 4
Rule # 6. Be Aware of Body Language.
Watch the nonverbal signals. If his eyes are rolling or looking away, if she is crossing her arms or sitting sideways from you, if he is rifling through papers, or chewing on a pencil, there is inattention and disrespect. Your goal will not be reached without an established mutual agreement, concentration, eye contact, and respectful listening.
Rule # 7. Be Careful of Your Timing.
• Do not attempt a conversation at the “wrong” time.
• Do not share when either one of you is upset.
• Do not begin a goal-oriented conversation without considering all aspects of a successful outcome. Can you imagine asking for the delicious and romantic sexual experience you’ve been fantasizing about when you are both visiting his mother? Bad timing.
Rule # 8. Recognize the Power of Yes.
Yesis an extremely effective word. It opens doors to more contact and more experience. It allows your partner to feel recognized and appreciated. It encourages and promotes positive and loving relating. It is always a miracle to me to watch the word yeschange a situation from disaster to success. Have you ever complained about a broken item, or a sweater that faded? If the person hearing the complaint
says a simple, “Yes, I understand how upset you are,” you become much calmer and more reasonable. Sheila asked her husband to become more aware of her needs, instead of doing what he thinks she needs. Every time he said anything, regardless of his distortions or off track remarks, she smiled and said, “Yes, I’m listening.” His remarks varied from, “You don’t know how to show appreciation for what I do,” to, “You never want to see the good things I do.” After a few of these exaggerated remarks he asked her, “Tell me again what you need.” She repeated her request. He asked her to be more specific, and she was. Her, “Yes, I’m listening,” encouraged and supported him rather than arguing with and refuting him. He finally was able, because of her reassurance, to actually hear her without feeling threatened.
Rule # 9. Begin Every Statement with I.
I need, I want, I would like, etc. If you begin with you, it is accusatory and provocative. For example, look at the difference in these two sentences, which are truly similar in the message, but worlds apart in affect and effect:
• “I feel very upset when you leave without kissing me goodbye.”
• “You make me feel terrible when you leave without kissing me goodbye
Take responsibility for your feelings, needs, wants, etc. Youblames and accuses, is negative and destructive. Use I every time.
Rule # 10. Do Not Assume.
Remember that any assumption is a figment of your imagination. Valid or invalid, until proven to be fact the assumption is yourcreation.
• “He’s looking at me as though he hates me.”
• “She’s really angry. I know it because she’s not looking at me.” These are statements we make very often without checking to be sure of the truth. Perhaps he has a toothache. Perhaps she’s preoccupied with something. Do notassume. It may seem strange, but it’s true that most of our assumptions are not only invalid, they cause us emotional distress. We assume the negative much more often than we assume the positive. Most people think more than eighty thousand words a day. They daydream, plan, worry, etc. More than 80 percent of these thoughts are negative. Don’t assume. Don’t think negative thoughts. Phil believed that oral sex was something only “bad girls” liked. This belief was so ingrained that he assumed Sally would not want him to introduce this pleasure. They
were married almost seven months when Sally, embarrassed to speak about it, finally decided to do something about it. She wanted every kind of sexual pleasure, including oral sex. She created a very romantic atmosphere, wore a sexy nightie, and told him to come to the bedroom at exactly eight PM. When Phil entered the bedroom, he found Sally lying on her back, her legs spread open and her nightie pulled up to her waist. There was a large piece of cardboard with an arrow pointing towards her vagina, which read: “Try this delicious spot.” Phil laughed and the rest is history. He apologized for assuming what she would like or dislike.
Rule # 11. Do Not Judge.
Judgments are yet another terminator of good relationships. If you judge my behavior or my remarks, why would I want to share with you? A friend asked me why I hadn’t told her that my divorce had become final. She had judged me very harshly, saying that I should be ashamed to be thinking of divorcing, and that I was a terrible person to be doing such a thing. Why would I want to speak to her about anything, especially my divorce? We need to take responsibility for our negativity and accept the consequences. Judgments are turn-offs and often end relationships. Judgments also end any hope for open and honest sharing.
Rule # 12. Do Not Be Negative.
Negativity is a surefire way to close all possibility of successfully achieving your goal. If you complain abut a person, denigrate or embarrass them, why would they be willing to open themselves to you during an intimate conversation? Why would they be willing to give you what you want, or to even care about what you want? Joseph told his wife that he didn’t want to hear any of her requests because, regardless of what he did, she would find fault with it. Sandy admitted that she did complain most of the time and rarely complimented or recognized Joseph’s attempts. He had closed himself to her because he needed to protect himself from her attacks. Being negative to another human being is actually more destructive and more demeaning to yourself than it is to your victim. Every time you make a toxic remark, you increase the amount of toxicity within yourself and push away those who love you. Negativity is a no-no—it’s just too difficult to overcome.
Rule # 13. Do Not Be Sarcastic.
Sarcasm is a weak and frightened form of hurtful communication. It is only the person who is unsure of himself who needs to be sarcastic. It is caustic, cutting, and damaging, and it is used only by the inadequate and the unhappy. Don’t manifest this side of yourself, even though you feel that way sometimes. We all have moments in which we want to express a mean-spirited feeling or a destructive remark. But it is best to keep those moments to ourselves, rather than lash out with sarcasm. Although some people use sarcasm in an attempt to be humorous, it almost always falls on its face. Be careful not to insult or turn off your lover with such remarks
Rule # 14. Do Not Be Jealous.
Jealousy is extremely toxic and unproductive. If there is reason to be distrustful, that’s another issue. Unfounded jealousy, possessiveness, or attempts at restraining your partner’s behavior will result in anger and resentment. We all need our own, individual, and yes, separate from each other, activities. Too often jealousy rears its ugly head when one partner wants to take a trip, or play tennis, or go fishing without the other. If you express jealousy, you express many different emotions, and none of them are love.
• You are expressing insecurity and fear of loss.
• You are expressing distrust, which is a surefire way to create insecurity and fear in your partner. If you distrust me, I begin to suspect myself, wondering why I
haven’t proven my love and my commitment. If you want to keep me from something I want to do, perhaps I haven’t earned your love and respect yet, and I wonder what I’m doing wrong.
• You are expressing a lack of respect. If you reject your partner’s request for something he/she wants, you are not respectful of his/her needs and wants. Without respect for each other in every aspect of your relationship, you will dilute the love.
Rule # 15. Do Not Compare.
Do not ever compare your lover by saying they “are just like” someone else. When you compare your lover to others you are negating her. She is no longer unique and special and yours, she is “just like” the others. This type of statement creates a feeling of anonymity, of unimportance, and of being expendable. Words such as “just like” are to be avoided, because they erase you and your individuality, merging you with all the others. It is negative and hurtful to use this term.

Masturbation is a natural part of human sexuality, and an important facetof a healthy sex life. Regular orgasms help decrease stress, increase genital blood flow, and promote a better sexual response. You have sexualneeds that require satisfying, and masturbation is a reliable path tofulfilment, as well as educating yourself about your body. Masturbationwill also help you learn about your sexual response—knowledge that youcan use to enhance lovemaking sessions with your partner.

A natural behavior

Contrary to many people’s beliefs, masturbation is healthy sexual behavior. However, many women feel uncomfortable about it. For example, they rarely discuss masturbation among themselves or with their partners. But whoever you are, whetheryou admit it or not, everybody masturbates. Infact, it has been revealed as the most common human sexual activity. And why not? It feels great, it is good for you, and it is the only sexual activitythat is 100 percent safe. What’s more, masturbation can relieve sexual tension, and will teach you about your body’sresponses and how to achieve an orgasm. Thosewho don’t indulge may miss out on achieving maximum pleasure.

Get in the mood

Now that you have had your anatomy lesson, you should be able to find your hot spots—such asthe clitoris and G-spot—with the help of a handmirror or some explorative touching. But locatingthese hot spots is just the beginning. Getting yourself into a relaxed state of mind, and then knowing how to stimulate yourself, are equallyvital parts of the process.

Different strokes

When it comes to masturbation, most womenhave their preferences. Some enjoy soft, light brushes, while others enjoy hard, fast strokes.Some women like to use their hands or a vibrator,while other women prefer a handheldshowerhead or pillow to reach a climax. In order to discover what you enjoy, make sure you masturbate regularly. Play with different positions and techniques to find out which are themost enjoyable. You will find that self-love can give you some helpful clues for what you will enjoy during sex.
Take your time
A wonderfully relaxing way to enjoy your self-love time is in a bathtub full of warm and bubbly water. To create the right mood, light some candles and put on some relaxing music. Savor the moment and, as you bathe, run your hands over your body, and then between your legs. Get carried away with the sensuality of it all.Explore and experiment in order to find outwhat works best for you—and enjoy the intensesensations of your fingers and the warm water against your genitals.

Touch

Zero in on your erogenous zones—breasts,nipples, inner thighs, torso, and stomach. Discover what body part sends chills down your spine. Gently tickle and caress yourinner thighs, massage your breasts, andstimulate your nipples. Listen to your bodyand discover what erotic zones raise yourheart rate and get you excited—technically we all have the same hot spots, but we also have our preferences. So take your time and explore every area of your body.

Rub

Try rubbing different parts of your genitals—vulva, vagina, periurethral area, clitoris, and perineum. Experiment with different types of movement—up and down, back and forth, round and round. Even if you masturbateoften and have regular orgasms, you can enhance your excitement and intensify the experience by taking your time and tryingout different strokes and pressures.   

Imagine

If you find it hard to shut out the world and just revel in the pleasures of self-love, closeyour eyes and bring to mind a sexy image or fantasy. Let your mind run wild and imaginethe sensual pleasures of your fantasy indetail—feel the warm sand beneath your naked body, or the muscles in your fantasy-man’s arms. Use your imagination to enrich the sensations that your fingers are creating. There aren’t any rules you need to stick to, so feel free to create the most vivid fantasies and enjoy satisfying your wildest sexual desires, no matter what they might be.

Loving yourself

Plan time alone for yourself and make surethe environment is relaxing. Don’t make an orgasm the goal, or you will become stressed and disappointed if it doesn’t happen. Insteadfocus on feeling sensual and touching yourbody in ways that feel pleasurable. Whether or not an orgasm occurs, enjoy this special time alone to relax your mind and body.
                      -----Laura Berman PhD

We all know that eating an apple is better than eating a donut, walking is healthier than driving, and taking the stairs is better than taking the elevator. But knowing the healthy choice isn’t the same as making it—we need motivation. A motivating factor might be that your sex life will benefit enormously from toned muscles and increased stamina. Gettingfit for sex doesn’t have to be tortuous—in fact, an all-night session with your lover counts as great exercise

1. Eating for sex

Too many carbohydrates makes for poorly sexedcouples. This doesn’t mean you have to cut outcarbohydrates—just try to monitor how many andwhat type you are eating. The more simple sugarsyou eat, such as those in white bread and cakes,the more insulin your body has to produce. Insulincauses the body to store fat, and it also increaseslevels of cortisol (the “stress hormone”). Replace simple sugars with complex carbohydrates, suchas wholewheat bread and wholegrain pasta. This simple diet change can make a difference to yourhealth, mood, and sex drive.

2.Date night

For many people, a night of romance often beginswith a special meal and a few drinks at theirfavorite restaurant. But even though you think you are setting the mood for romance, beware. Whenpeople eat out in restaurants, they often eat hundreds more calories than they would at home. Larger portion sizes, too much carbohydrate, andalcohol create lethargic, stuffed couples—not a good way to start off a sexy evening for the two of you. Cut back on the calorie overload by avoiding the bread basket and sharing a dessert with your partner. Eat and drink lightly, and youwill be hungry for sex when you make it home.

3. Drink up

We all know the benefits of a nutritious, healthy diet, but water is nature’s life-giver. The morewater you drink, the more hydrated your system will be and the better your metabolism will work. Our bodies need water to keep our digestive tract in good order; water also helps keep hunger pangs at bay. Keeping your body hydrated duringexercise is also important. If you aren’t a plain-water fan, try drinking flavored water or water with a slice of lemon. This simple, painless choice can help you stay fit and healthy, and can keep your skin looking beautiful, too.

4. Cardiovascular exercise

If you want to reap the amazing benefits of regular exercise—such as improved mood, increased cardiovascular health, and a smaller waistline—you need to get your heart rate up for 30 minutes, three to five times a week. You can get thisexercise in a number of fun ways. Walk briskly around the neighborhood, walk or bike to work a few times a week, challenge your partner or the kids to a game of volleyball or soccer, or put on a CD and dance. Committing to an exercise program isn’t easy, especially if you hate theactivity, so find something you love to do. Your sex life will benefit, and the endorphin rush will create a more relaxed, sexed-up, and happy you.

5. Sexercise

Some types of exercise are beneficial to youroverall health, some prepare you to run a marathon, and some make you look good ina swimsuit. Sexercise is exercise that gets you in tune with your sexual side. Many cities now offer dance classes such as salsa and pole-dancing. These classes increaseyour heart rate and tone your muscles. Dancing will also put you in touch with your wild, sexy side.Yoga is a great part of a sexercise routine as it improves your muscle tone and core strength.Strong muscles and stamina mean new sex positions and renewed strength in old ones.Sexercise can be anything that gets your body engaged in a sexy way, your muscles moving, andyour confidence soaring. Try to do one sexercise workout every week. Remember, a sexy body is a healthy body, so get moving.

6. Sleeping for sex

Sleep makes you feel refreshed and clear-headed. Adults need six to eight hours of sleep a night. Lack of sleep causes youto eat more and be bad-tempered—not great for yoursex life. Try to cut out watching  TV before bed. The blue lightsfrom the screen have beenshown to disturb sleep patterns. Relaxation exercises can prepare your body and mind forsleep. And an orgasm is the best sleep inducer of all.

                       ---Laura Berman PhD